Julia did the right thing according to her. Her entire life was beyond her control. She knew on the inside that it would never be in her control. Control was all an illusion. She'd taken her things and she left Tavin. She wasn't sure Jayson was right, but she was sure that she wasn't right either. On her way home that afternoon from Tavin's she had an idea. She wanted to do something outside her comfort zone, leave Maverick. She had money. She had the rest of summer and she had nothing else to do. Everything that had ever happened and all the time that she'd lived, she always put other people first. She never put her own self or needs ahead of others.
She stopped at Sandy's on the way home, dropping her stuff on the back patio. She hadn't been there in 6 weeks. Sandy wasn't home. John was on the road working. She let herself inside. Even though no one appeared to be home, you never knew who was at Sandy's. Ray was home and she woke him up going through Chess's closet. She pulled out all the crap on the closet floor and she set it aside. She pulled the rug out and set that aside. A screwdriver lay on the floor board where she'd pulled up the rug.
"Hey, how you been?" Ray asked, peeking in to see who was in his brother's room. He ducked back out.
"Great, Ray. You?" She called. She grabbed the flat head screwdriver from the floor and wedged it in between a couple of the floor boards, prying back and lifting it so she could pull it off altogether.
Ray came back and leaned against the wall by the closet, watching her as she pulled up the floor.
"What are you doing?"
"The right thing, Ray." Julia replied, pulling back the second floor board, then the third, then the fourth. "What is that?" He asked as she pulled a black backpack out. She set it aside and started putting the floorboards back, wedging them in tightly. When the last was in, she flipped the screwdriver and banged the last board in place with the handle of the tool. She placed the rug back, the stuff she'd pulled out.
"It's a bag, Ray." Julia said.
"I didn't know that was there."
"Wasn't for you to know." Julia said. She glanced at him, knowing he was Ray, but still thinking of Chess as she looked him in the face. Of course, he'd have a twin. Of course he'd have to remind her of him.
"So what's in the bag?"
Julia stood up, taking the felony bag into her hands. She crossed the room, unzipped the bag and dumped its contents onto Chess's bed. A gun. A knife. A brown paper bag. Money. A cell phone. Julia plugged in the charger and attached the cell. While she waited for it to charge a bit, she opened the brown bag and dumped out the contents onto the bed. "Felonies." Julia answered.
"I knew he sold a few bags of weed, but damn, Julia." Ray said in awe.
"Before you all judge me, this is your brother." Julia sighed. She took the gun off the bed and held it in her hands, gripping the cool and heavy gun in her hands, aiming it across the room. She hadn't held a gun in ages. It felt good.
"Put the gun down, Julia."
"The clip's not even in it." She said, rolling her eyes, flipping the gun sideways so he could see it was empty. She set the weapon on the bed, unzipped the front of the bag and pulled out two clips.
"What's he need-"
"No questions." Julia stated firmly, thinking she'd love to keep that fine gun. One day she'd need it, but today wouldn't be that day.
"You had a gun this whole time and you chose to take a bottle of Ativan to kill yourself?"
"Getting shot hurts." She shrugged, dropping the clips on the bed. She pulled a tee shirt from Chess's laundry basket and cleaned the prints off the clips, the weapon, before folding it up in the tee shirt and placing all the parts back in the bag. They stood beside each other, looking at the rest of the bags contents. "You want any of this before I take it?" She asked as she picked up the knife. That she'd keep. Julia had an affinity for knives, silent death.
"Maybe some weed." He answered. Julia handed over a few bags.
"Do you need cash or no? Are you ok?" She said.
"What are you doing with it?"
"I'm gonna deposit it in his bank account. You need some or no. He won't care."
"I can't take his money."
"Ok." Julia said. She put everything back in the bag. Then picked up the cell. She turned it on, scrolled through the contact list and made a call. The phone rang and she picked up.
"Hello." Carla answered.
"Hey, it's me. Where can we meet and can you take a gun off my hands?" Julia asked her. She waited for an answer. She groaned. "Why would I give you a traceable gun? Of course it's-" She waited and listened, told him the type of gun and 2 clips. She ended the call and turned off the phone. She would keep the charger too. The phone had to go.
Julia threw the felony bag over her shoulder and as she head to the door she spied Chess's hoodie hanging on the hook by the door. She picked it up and took it with her. As she carried it downstairs, she could smell him on the hoodie.
"Where you heading with that? Wait. Are you crazy, Julia?"
"No, I am not. I'm doing the right thing."
"You could get in trouble-"
"I could. But I won't."
Julia went outside to her stuff on the patio. She placed the knife and the weed in her bag. She tossed Ray, who'd followed her, the cell. "Break it. Smash it." She said. Ray smashed the phone up on the patio.
"Where are you going? Alone?" He asked.
"Yes." She answered, picking up her bags.
"Let me take you. Julia-"
"Ok. Come on then, I don't have all day."
Ray threw on some shoes and a tee then grabbed his car keys.
As Julia directed him where to go, Ray was surprised. He thought he was heading into the hood, that she was getting herself into some dangerous neighborhood with street thugs. "Julia, we're in Oaks."
"I know where we are. I told you I would be ok." She said. "Park in McDonald's lot, then we'll walk from here. It's not far."
They walked several blocks from McDonald's to a plain single home on a street where children ran playing and nice cars parked in driveways. Stay at home moms in parks with their children. Julia scanned the baseball diamond as they approached. She led Ray to the sideline and sat on the player bench. As Carla approached her with a stroller, she felt a little nervous. More so for Carla than herself. She parked the stroller in front of them and Julia leaned over the kid, all of 8 or 9 months old. Carla looked the typical young mother in her sundress
"Awe, he's so big now." Julia smiled, looking at the sleeping baby. Julia got up and hugged Carla. "Hey Cars, you look great. How's Dylan?"
"Great. He'll be out in 3 months. It's hard alone with me and the baby."
Carla leaned over Ray next and gave him a hug. "Hey, Chess." She said.
"Uh, hey." He nodded, hugging her back.
Carla took a seat next to Julia and reached into the bottom of her stroller. She pulled out a Spiderman lunchbox. She took the backpack off Julia and handed over the money from the lunch box. Julia then handed it to Ray, which he stuffed in his pocket. Carla's small hands took the coke and the rounds for the gun and placed it inside the lunchbox. She looked over the gun while it was still inside the bag, then transferred it still inside the tee to the lunchbox. She tucked the box inside the bottom of the stroller. Julia took her bag back. "So am I ever going to see you again?" Carla asked. "I'm kinda lonely with Dylan being inside."
"Probably not, Cars. We can't take the risk anymore, y'know." Julia said, letting her hold her hand.
"It's only three more months, right? I can do it. As long as I got Luke." She smiled. "You sure you two don't wanna come over? Chess?"
"I do what Julia tells me." Ray answered, looking at Carla. She had nice curves beneath that dress. "And Julia says we're out."
Carla gave her another hug, then stood up. "If you change your mind," Carla suggested coolly to Ray. She walked off with her stroller and left Julia sitting with Ray.
"Nice ass," Ray said, watching her hips sway.
"That fine baby body. She filled in after the baby. In all the right places." Julia commented, watching the same view. "It's as nice as what you're imagining."
"You did her too?" He asked.
"I wasn't into her like that. I don't see what Chess saw in her. On the outside I do, but the inside not so much. Chess only attached to a couple of girls and she was one of them. When Dylan got locked up, Chess moved on her."
"So you guys always had an open kinda relationship?"
"Nah, not in the beginning. That changed."
"Why?"
"She was his. I caught them. It fell apart from there. Then there was Mace."
"He passed that off on me. After the party, when you and Tavin left together. She kept coming around. He said deal with her, so I dealt with her. She couldn't tell us apart."
"Did you deal with her?"
"I did."
He and Julia walked across the field, back the several blocks to McDonald's parking lot. He gave her the money from his pocket, which she put in her bag. The empty felony bag, she ditched in the trash at McDonald's. When they got inside the hot car, waiting for the AC to cool them off, Julia thought of him dealing with Macy. "Did Chess ever have you deal with me, Ray?"
"What makes you say that?" He asked, cracking the windows in the car. He looked at her with that look Chess used to give her if he sensed she was suspicious.
"Cause if he did it once, he could do it twice. Did he ever pass me off to you? Is that something you two have done before?"
"No, yes and no."
"What the hell, Ray?"
"No." he said, backtracking. "No."
"You said yes and no, Ray? Are you as fucked up as he is?"
"Would you even know the difference, Julia?"
"Sober, yes, but if I was totally fucked up, maybe not."
Ray left the lot and head out on the road back to Maverick. Unusually quiet as the car maneuvered through the suburban streets. He drove her to the bank, waited for her to deposit the money, then he started the drive to her house. "Thanks for the ride, Ray." Julia said, getting out of the car at her curb.
"No problem, Julia." he smiled.
"Well, keep in touch, if I don't see you before you leave for school. Have fun."
"Yeah, you too. You gonna be ok?"
"I will."
When she went inside the house, her dad and Andy were surprised to see her. She dropped her stuff in the kitchen and she got something to drink and then sat gabbing with them before heading down to her room. She had things to do, needed to go online, but she wanted to hang out a little while. She hadn't been home in about a week.
"Are you back home now?" Cal asked, having observed all her bags.
"Not for long." Julia answered. "Overnight maybe. We'll see."
Julia talked with Tavin on his lunch break. Said she was home, needed a mental health day. Maybe two.
Over the course of two days she created a plan, realizing she couldn't live day to day. One day at a time made no sense to her. She needed a plan of action, what she wanted to do and where she planned on going. She applied to a couple jobs, searched a place to stay and found one. She'd contacted the man that was in charge of the boarding house, liked the pictures she'd seen on line and that was what made her decision for her all easier. Those that had come early in summer had thinned out and there was space available. She planned on going where she and her fair skin had always wanted to go. The beach. She'd go, hopefully get a job and live there a few weeks till the end of summer at least. Hopefully when the summer shore season ended, she'd know the true direction she'd need to take the next step in her life.
She'd admitted to Ray private things that happened with Chess, specifically Carla. She admitted to Ray what hurt to admit to herself-Chess cheated on her. His short lived fling with Carla, before she got out of control, before she made the decisions she made in Philly. When Chess cheated on her without being given a good reason, it affected her. She hadn't done anything to deserve it. She hadn't started using drugs yet, hadn't started looking at girls. She was so happy to have everyone back and then Chess wrecked everything they'd built together. She didn't care how many times he tried to explain, how many times he tried to apologize. Carla was his thing.
Julia had made the final plan, writing out a list on a piece of paper of things she planned on doing. She'd packed her duffel bag with life's necessities to get her from point A to point B. The rest she'd worry about when she arrived. She felt sure she needed to be alone and she felt sure that Tavin would understand. Julia decided to tell him in person that she was leaving. She got herself dressed and head to Tavin's house. She wanted to see the kids, wanted to talk to Tavin, but most of all she wanted to talk with Jayson.
She found him with the girl in the back yard where she played in the pool. Jay sat with Jess on the patio. "Hey, Jess." Julia said. "Um, Jay, can I talk to you a minute."
"Yeah." He said. He followed her inside and she stood in the kitchen with him.
"I wasn't honest with you the other day. You overheard stuff I said to your brother."
"I don't want to know." He said, holding his hand up.
"I'm not telling you about that. But you got the idea of the conversation. Anyway, it was about me and what I did and you told me that I should act like a wife. Put my rings back on and just spend every single day of the rest of my life making it up to him. Since what I did made everything wrong, then I should be the one to make it right." He listened as she went on, talking calmly, explaining herself. "Well, I didn't make it wrong all by myself." She told him. She admitted to him what she'd admitted to Ray two days prior. "So would what you told me, knowing what I just said, would it be different?"
He leaned back on the counter, shaking his head. "It was him."
"I definitely had issues afterward, but yeah, Jay. It was him."
"Shit, Julia, I didn't know."
"No one did."
"I-wow-I'm sorry. Why did he do that?"
She shrugged. "He didn't have an answer that I liked. Drunk, high, having fun. She was pretty and nice. I mean, I busted my ass and sent a girl to be raped and molested to bring him back and I had to live with that so he could fuck me over? Jay, I love him and he did that. For no good reason."
"It fuckin' sucks. I know."
"And then I thought the last couple days how I did the same thing to you and how, God, that's how awful it feels when you live completely for someone else and you get fucked in the end. Jay, I'm sorry that I did that. That's all I wanted to say."
"That changes things then. Julia,"
"No, it doesn't change anything. I still need to figure it out my own way. I don't know where I'll wind up, but I need to find me again. I was so hurt and then I spent so much time hurting myself. Like I deserved it. Anyway, I think I need time without anyone's influence."
"Ok." He said. "Good idea, Jules. You do that."
"So it's not calling it a day or calling it quits. It's on hold. I need everything to stop for awhile. Cause this sucks." Julia put her arms around him and hugged him hard. "I love you. Thanks for being my friend."
"I love you, too, Jules." He said, hugging her back. "Do what you need to do. You know where I am if you need me."
Julia took him back outside and left him with Jess. She played with Tatia till Tavin came home from work. She sat with him a while on the front steps where she'd waited for him to come home. He sat beside her in the July heat and heard her out.
"I can't believe that you have one conversation with my brother cleaning a kitchen and everything changes." Tavin said, pissed off with her. He could be mad if he chose to be. They jumped into 'them' too fast and on a whim.
"It's more than that conversation and you know it. Don't be like this. It's not working, Tavin." Julia replied. "We have all the time in the world."
"So you expect me to just stand around waiting for you?"
"Do what you want, Tavin."
"Julia, just do whatever you want. You will anyway." Tavin muttered, getting to his feet. "I'll see you when I see you." He went inside the house and left her on the steps.
Early the next morning, Julia left her house with her bag not knowing what lay ahead of her. As the miles passed the window from her seat on the bus, she felt scared, nervous, excited. The further away she got the more comfortable she felt. No one knew her. No one knew about her baggage, her past, her issues, except for her. If she knew anything at all, she knew she'd be alright. She knew she'd only need a place to lay her body and she'd figure out the rest. No plan. No steps. No brothers. No family. It was something she felt sure she needed to do on her own. Could she manage herself alone as well as she managed an entire group of people in the zombie world? If she could do that, then she could handle herself, one small redhead with an open future.
Julia met Marvin the Owner, an older gentleman in his 50's, balding with a pot belly. She didn't catch his last name if he'd given her one. He showed her the boarding house. An old mom and pop motel fashioned into the place that the local summer immigrant workers lived. Most were white, fair skinned Russian or eastern European descent kids around her age or slightly older. Usually college students working for the summer or exchange student, college aged, who'd arrived to work for the summer and learn the English language. She got her room key and Marvin the Owner showed her around the small room. Mini-fridge, bed and table. That was all she needed. It was clean and she was expected to keep it clean. It wasn't a motel anymore. A worn carpet on the floor beneath her feet, faded window curtains. A small bathroom in the rear of the room. The boarding house was a U shaped building with a small courtyard in the center. Julia's room was on the second floor by the stairs. She paid Marvin the Owner the money order she purchased on her walk there and he left her with her bag and her key. He advised that she wouldn't see him again unless there was a problem.
It had been a few days since she left home and no one even knew she'd left. Her family believed she was at Tavin's. Tavin believed she was at home. Jay got her post card and called her. "You're at the beach, Jules?" He laughed.
"Jay, it's everything I thought it'd be. I love it. The sand's so soft and the water is awesome."
She filled him in on where she was and she was safe. She had a job interview in the afternoon and after a half hour interview, she had a job at Shore Diner where she'd wait tables. She was excited. A job was a job and she'd never waited tables before. She started the next morning bright and early.
She had sunburn despite multiple applications of the strongest SPF sunscreen and limited her beach visits to the afternoon when the sun was setting. She'd take her beach towel and walk the short few blocks to the beach where she'd sit and listen to the water crash into the shoreline. She'd sit with her toes being splashed by the water, sand wedging into body parts she didn't know she had.
He hung the post card on the fridge and he went about his day.
Tavin saw the post card when he got home from work. His instinct told him who'd sent it. He hadn't heard from her in a few days. All it said on the back was 'Love you guys-Julia'. Nothing more and nothing less.
Julia developed a routine. She'd work from 6am to 2pm 4 days a week. After work, she went to the gym she'd joined and she worked out. In the evening she hit the beach a couple hours. She felt so much better. She made enough money from work to cover her rent only. Living wasn't cheap, so she got a couple meals at work from the cook who'd taken a liking to her. Carl was a middle aged black man, married with four children. He had three jobs cooking at different places and the morning rush over breakfast time, he hustled that kitchen and Julia hustled her ass. She hadn't ever worked that hard. Her feet and her body ached and her afternoon treadmilling nearly killed her on top of it till she got to the water where it soothed her bones and muscles. She still hung in and she liked her job. She liked the new friends she'd made at work. Some younger than her, bussing tables and talking about futures.
On her days off, she was on call to pick up shifts, any shift available. If she didn't get a call, she had her spare time to explore the shops and the stores at the beach, walking the board walk. She found if she kept busy, then she'd be ok. Her days off, she'd sit in the courtyard on a lounge chair and she'd read or go online and work on herself. She continued meetings biweekly at NA but she dropped the steps. She dumped her meds from the shrink too. She hadn't gotten any closer to deciding her path. All she knew was she was happier than she'd been in ages.
She'd made several friends on her off days in the courtyard. They were the friendliest people. They offered her company when she wanted it. She went and did laundry with them. A couple of the nicer fellows hit on her, invited her out to party, but she knew what party meant. She wasn't stupid. Vik was one of the nicest guys she'd met there. He lived on the first floor below her. He started talking to her as a friend within the first week she'd arrived. He worked at a local ice cream shop, an exchange program, he was from Moscow. He spoke English fluently with this amazing cute accent. He asked her to hang out, go to the park with him. Blond hair with a light tan. He was tall and kind of awkward, maybe a little lonely just like Julia. They talked about home and how he missed his country. Julia talked about home, people she missed. 4 weeks she'd been away from home. He'd been away since May.
He approached her shyly one afternoon when she arrived home from work to get ready to go to the gym. "Would you like to go out with me, Julia?" He pronounced her name funny, extra emphasis on the J.
"We go out all the time, Vik." She said. "Whatcha got in mind?"
"I mean to go on a date."
Tavin...she thought. "Vik, that's nice. But no thank you."
He said ok and walked away looking kind of defeated.
Julia dialed Tavin's phone number when she got inside her room. "Tav, I have a question." She said when he answered.
"Ok. What?"
"Do you miss me?" She asked.
"I text you that every fuckin' day, Julia. I'd tell you if you'd answer the phone."
"You seeing anyone yet?" She asked.
"No, I don't want to. I started the basement. Julia, are you?" he asked, his voice sounding kind of hurt.
"Tav, there's this sweet Russian boy I been talking to and he just asked me out."
"What did you say?"
"I said thanks but no." She answered. She sat on her bed, exhaled hard and she fought back some tears.
A few hours later, she readied to walk down to the beach. She'd gone to the gym, done her laundry and waited for the harsh sun to dip some. As she locked the door, Tavin called her. "Where are you?"He asked.
"About to walk down to the beach."
"What street? You know there's over 100 of them here."
"You're here?"
"Where are you, Red?"
Julia head to the entrance of the courtyard and looked down the street toward Philadelphia Pike, the main drag through Ocean City. "68th street. Are you here?" She asked, a little excitement in her voice. "Tav, turn right toward the bay." The wait seemed like forever as she anticipated seeing his car. She stood in a parking spot by her place, holding her cell and her beach towel. He was acting like he used to, just getting in his car and driving to her. When he parked the car and got out, she jumped onto him. "Hi," She smiled, wrapping herself around him. After a long three and a half hour drive, he needed to stretch his legs, setting her on the hood of the car. "I missed you." She said, excited.
"Me too." He said, holding her tight. "You look good, Julia."
"Hey, I feel good." She said. "Let's go to the beach. Come with me." She grinned, taking his hand and sliding off the hood of the car.
"It's hot as fuck. But this air feels great. And it smells."
"It's the salt water. It smells great." She smiled, holding hands as they walked back down the street where he'd turned. "What are you doing here?" She asked as they waited for the light to turn green in the cross walk.
"You know why I'm here." he said, putting an arm around her.
The closer they got to the beach itself, the squawk of the birds became more audible, the sound of the waves. They made their way through the sand dune and onto the beach. Tavin was in awe. He'd never seen it before. He stood still with Julia a minute, looking at the blue water and the blue sky as they collided together. The afternoon sun was setting gradually and the beach was fairly empty except for a handful of people. The ocean breeze felt good in the heat. The humidity stuck to him. They trekked through the sand to the shoreline where Julia set out her towel. She sat down and kicked off her flip-flops.
Tavin pulled his shirt over his head and kicked off his shoes, peeled off his socks. "Empty your pockets." She advised him before he advanced toward the water. Tavin dropped the contents of his pockets on the towel and head out. "Can you swim?" She asked as he sloshed through the water. The ocean was a world apart from a pool. The ocean was fickle too, some days smooth and perfect, welcoming and warm. Some days rough to the point of violent to the human body.
"Yeah." he answered, moving further out. While he swam and played like a little kid, seeing and embracing the water for the first time, Julia pulled her joint out and finished smoking it. Julia loved the beach at this hour of the day. She was virtually alone, the crowds filed out with the lifeguards when their shift ended around five o'clock. Stragglers and shell searchers, a few runners and the metal detector men looking for treasure. She watched him swim, hoped to God he wouldn't drown. He was a strong swimmer though for someone who never went in the water. Julia, on the other hand, had not a water friendly bone in her body. She preferred to wade in thigh high water and let the waves move her. She finished the joint and pulled off her shorts by the time Tavin made his way back to the sand.
"This is great, Julia." He yelled. "Coming in?"
She jumped up and joined him, wading out far enough to be submerged, but still have her feet firmly on the ground. He picked her up and carried her out to where his feet were firmly on the ground instead.
"I'm glad you called." He told her. "I've been waiting."
"I'm glad you came."
"You been alone here all these weeks?" He asked.
"I made some friends. I met some really nice people. I had to get out of there. Tav, I was suffocating."
"Have you had any life changing experiences?"
"Not one," She laughed. "But I got a routine going. I work, I work out. I play in the ocean."
"We finally get to a place where you can do whatever and I am stuck. Julia, I'm going to be stuck for awhile."
"You're here now."
"I come if you call me. I always do. I love you. Whatever you want, I'm happy, Red."
"I got a couple more weeks here. I'll be home after labor day. We'll go from there, that's all I can say."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Just be you. The way you always are. Don't change anything."
"Are you high?"
"I like weed." Julia shrugged, unwrapping her legs from around his waist. She tried to reach the ground, couldn't, then rewrapped her legs around him. "No drugs though. I tossed the scripts, too. I stopped climbing those steps. They got meetings here too at a church on 4th street. I go every Thursday night."
"That's tonight."
"Yep. I don't have to go, Tavin. In the beginning I needed to, I was scared and I was crazy. It was to keep my sanity, more to keep from running back before I even got started, than to keep from using."
They came out of the ocean and dried off, then hopped a bus to the meeting on 4th street. Tavin felt uncomfortable going because he was all wet. She assured him half the group crawled out of the ocean and went. Julia, he observed, was correct as he spied the surf boards laying outside the church on the grass. A couple women were there, but the group was nearly all men. Julia could get distracted just looking at the eye candy in the room.
"Hi, Julia." John said, rushing over to her and giving her a hug.
"Hi, John." She smiled back. When they separated, she introduced Tavin.
"Hello. She told me a lot about you." John said to Tavin.
"Hi. I'm sure it was all good stuff." Tavin grinned, putting his arm around her.
"Most of it." John answered. "Come in, find a seat."
Julia and Tavin took a seat. "Sponsor." Julia whispered. "Gay." Julia also whispered.
Post meeting, Julia led Tavin to the boardwalk. They found the crowd. The inlet and the peer and all along the boardwalk drew the largest crowd. On a Thursday evening this wasn't too bad, but the crowd on the weekends overwhelmed her. It was massive, the influx of people on a Friday evening only to spend a day or two partying or with family. Julia avoided the large crowds during the weekend and usually tried to do double shifts at the diner or she'd hide out at the room. Too many voices and too many bodies. Too much action, noise and too many cars, bicycles, busses, pedestrians, children.
"Where we going?"
"Food." She answered. "I walk up here every Thursday. I get fries and something to eat. Usually I walk up here with John or some of the boys from the meeting. Tonight it's you." She said. "Hey, they have the best fries here. Gotta try them with vinegar."
He made a face as they stood in line waiting to order Thrasher's fries, the odor of the fries infiltrated their nares. But the mention of vinegar on them turned him off slightly. The kid at the counter shoved a bucket of fries toward them and Julia loaded them up with apple cider vinegar. "Trust me. I made the same face when John and Mark dragged me here."
They left the counter and started to walk and talk.
"So you made some friends. The surfers."
"I spend time with them, yeah. John dragged me out and on the sand and tried to teach me to surf. It didn't work out, but it was so fun trying." She explained. "In fact, Mark's the one who told me about the meeting. I work with him."
"So how do you smoke weed and still do meetings?"
"Keeps me off coke and everything else. I've gone out a few times here. There's this club, anyway, I have been tempted. Drugs are everywhere, so it really has to be a choice, Tav. I can't explain it."
"I hope it works for you, Julia."
"It's working now. If that changes, I'll fix it. Here, we have too much time on our hands. We got everything right at our fingertips. We waste time and energy on the wrong things, the wrong people. Jay told me before I left, choose the right people. I think I know who they are. They're everywhere. I go to different people for different things, different perspectives. I have to keep the balance or it falls apart. Jayson said it's all about perspective."
"One conversation in my kitchen and it's all fixed?"
"No. Hardly. Far from it, Tavin. But he has a way of talking to me. He knows me."
"I know you."
"You know me different is all."
"What about Chess?"
"What about him? I should have dumped him when he fucked Carla. You kidding me. He broke every ounce of trust I had in him. It hurt, you know. The trust thing."
"Who the hell's Carla?"
"Jay didn't tell you? She's just a pretty girl is all." Julia said, leading him off the boardwalk to the bus stop. "He cheated on me, when we got back. That's all. He had a million excuses and none of them was good enough."
"So it was him, not you."
"Of course it was. I think I was being overbearing about the zombies, couldn't separate, was having a hard time with it."
"And that was his solution?" Tavin asked surprised.
"I think he got tired of my mouth. It's not a good excuse, but it is one. The next chick was Macy."
"So Carla was yours and then..."
"No, she was all his. I had nothing to do with her like that. He fucked with her till I stopped talking about death and hearing stuff and you know how I was."
"Not a fucking excuse."
"So I didn't feel too bad about walking away with you. I was open to that. I meant everything I said to you. I won't take it back, Tavin."
The bus drove them to 68th where they stepped off and head back to the car. He pulled his bag out and they head through the courtyard to the steps and climbed up to the second floor. Once inside he set his bag down. Julia pulled her curtains shut and stripped off her clothes.
"We getting a shower, Julia?"
"I don't want sand in the bed, Tavin."
He stripped off his clothes and followed her to the small shower stall where they washed off the sand and salt water and the sunscreen. "Can't begin to fuck in here." He complained, standing outside the stall, watching her wash up, covered in suds.
"Not enough room." Julia agreed, rinsing off. She stepped out and left him inside the stall.
"I got sand everywhere." He called from the bathroom. Julia dried off waiting for him. He eventually emerged with a towel around his waist. He watched her brush her hair, then took the brush from her, running through the length of red hair to her waist. It would dry and kink up to her mid back in tight curls. She reached to her left, picking up her gel and handed it to Tavin. He squirted some in his hand and rubbed them together, smoothing the gel through her thick hair.
"We putting this up?" He asked.
"Definitely." She answered, putting the length up in a tail, which he wrapped around his gel'd hand. He pulled her back to him and went for her neck. "You work in the morning?" He asked.
"Nope. We up all night?" She asked, shivers going through her body as he kissed her.
"You know it."
Up all night turned out to be 4am. Julia had been up 23 hours and was just exhausted from work, the gym, the beach, then hours of an insatiable Tavin. He'd been up for 22 hours, worked all day and then drove three hours to see his girl. They woke around noon, made love another couple hours before getting dressed to find some food and hit the beach. He asked her a handful of times to come home with him, but she said no. She had a couple more weeks till labor day and she'd come home after the holiday as planned. To what, she wasn't sure. She knew she wouldn't be going to nursing school, but had a couple weeks to figure out what she planned. Maybe regular college, community college classes to pass the time. She wasn't sure.
"You sure you have to leave me?" She asked, standing next to his car with him. He held onto her tight, arms around her shoulders. Skin dark brown, tanned, his strong arms weighed on her shoulders.
"I got doubles this weekend for this trip. Monty would only work for me today if I did his whole weekend. He got some shit to do with his kid."
"Ok, then go be fuckin' responsible." She grinned, separating from him.
"Jules, I can come get you when you're ready to come home. Call me, ok."
"I will. Be careful going home. I love you."
"I love you too."
She watched him drive away after a long afternoon. As the sun started to set she went back to her room and watched Netflix as he set out on a three hour ride.
Jay sent her a text an hour into her Netflix'ing: Got CNN there?
She replied: Yes, online. Why?
He texted her: turn it on now
She flipped off Netflix and switched her lap top browser to CNN's website. She tapped the watch live button and it showed another hospital, another security issue, more military vehicles. Murder-suicide, several families involved this time.
He texted her: Julia, you see it?
She replied: I do. where at? just went to commercial.
He replied: Buffalo, NY
She replied: Last one was a few weeks ago.
He replied: I know
She replied: Better hope it doesn't hit a major city...
She replied: Tavin's on his way home
She replied: ILY L8R
He replied: ILY2 did u have fun??????
She replied: I luv that man :)
"Red, can you feel it?" He asked, trying to catch his breath.
"I feel it, Tav." She whimpered, her hand between her legs, her fleshy dildo inside her moving back and forth while her free hand moved around her wetness, rubbing her clit.
"Can you feel me sucking your tits, baby?"
"Tavin, I'm almost there." She said, the damn phone fell off her ear. She picked it up quick and turned it on speaker. "Tavin,"
"Faster, Julia. Come with me, baby. Cum, baby girl."
She heard him cum through the phone, sounding all like he was choking on something.
"You cum, Julia?" he asked, his voice relaxed.
"Working on it, babe." She answered, removing the dildo and continuing with her hand.
"Nah?" He chuckled. "A few more days, babe."
"A few more. I'm horny as fuck, baby." She cooed, arching her back a bit. "Almost..." She said, inhaling deeply, holding her breath.
"Fuck I wanna lick that." He whispered.
"There...." She aah'ed through the phone.
"You got me on speaker?" He asked, his voice echoing through her room.
"Yeah, I kept dropping the phone." She sighed. "You in the basement?" She laughed.
"Where else?" He groaned. "He's up there grinding on her and she's so...squeaky. God, how did you fuck that for so long?"
"Cause I made her squeak." She answered. "I got off on that so bad."
"You miss the pussy, Julia."
"If I could just lick my own, I would be set, man." She said. "God I am a fuckin' mess here. All sticky. The bed's all wet. You give good phone." She giggled.
"And my work is done. Send me pics, baby girl."
"K, I love you. Good night."
"You too, Julia. Good night."
Julia reached the phone down over her nude body and snapped a pic. She snapped another, feeling her breasts, another with her hand between her legs opening her womanhood, another with her fingers in her mouth. God, Julia thought, this turns me on...
She got her nightly text from Jay, making sure she was alive. She replied, yes, then closed the message. She opened up Tavin's number and sent him the photos she'd taken. A few minutes later her phone beeped.
Where's my pics????? Tavin texted.
sent....she replied. She scrolled up. Where were they? Oh, no, Lord, please, no...she gasped...She sat up in bed and opened up Jay's messages. She called his cell. She got Jess.
"Jess, It's Julia." She said.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Thank God it's you. I sent some pics to Tavin, but I sent them to Jay by mistake. Delete them. Just delete them before he sees them."
"Pics of what?"
"Pictures, Jesslyn. You know what I mean. Delete them."
"Can I look at them?"
"Babe, I think you have to." She answered. "Thanks."
Jess heard Julia hang up and she opened up the text messages. "Who's on the phone?" Jay called.
"Julia."
"She alright?"
"More than alright." Jess said, looking at the pictures she sent. "You know she's so pretty, Jayson." Jess called, looking at the picture of Julia, touching her breasts.
"Not as pretty as you." He called from the bathroom.
Jess wrapped in a towel and crossed the hall, she stood next to him as he messed with his hair. "Wanna see what she sent by mistake?" Jess asked, still looking at the pics. "They're dirty."
"Jess, don't show me then get pissed off at me when my dick gets hard." Jay mumbled. "You wet?"
"Maybe." She smiled. "You mad?"
"Nope." He said. Jess kicked the bathroom door shut and showed him the first pic. "That's not so dirty." She flipped to the next. "Hey, now." He smiled, pulling his hair up into a tail. She flipped to the next, which drew his attention, the pussy..."Ok, come on. Bend over." Jay said, spinning Jess around. He bent her over the sink in front of him. "Any more?" He asked sliding inside of her.
Jess was wetter than usual.
"A couple." She said, flipping to the next, in which Julia's fingers were in her mouth. "Harder, Jayson." She demanded as she moved to the next picture.
"This isn't gonna last long, Jess." He said, going harder and faster as Jess continued to flip through Julia's pictures. Jess kept flipping the pics, one after the other, over and over. When she came back around to the pic of Julia fingering herself for the tenth time, he came.
"She said to delete them." Jess cooed, still grinding on Jay.
"Good idea. Delete them." He said, cleaning himself up again. "Do you wanna save them?"
"Maybe, babe." She said, batting her eyes up at him.
"Well send them to your phone, and get them the fuck off mine. You aren't holding this against me."
"It was hot, Jay. Our quickie."
"Jesslyn, delete them." He said, moving her aside so he could clean up.
"Fine, I'll delete them." She pouted. "You wanna go again before I do?"
"Alright, just gimme a few minutes."
"Ok, you play with your hair and I will go take a few pictures of my own. Ok? Would you like that my Jay?"
"Please, do that. Good girl." He grinned. "Take some hot ones."
Julia hung up with Jess and lay back on her bed, reaching between her legs again. Since Tavin left her, she'd been going absolutely crazy by herself. A few more days, she thought to herself. She thought she heard a noise, then dismissed it, thinking she was crazy. No zombies...Julia....not here and not now. She couldn't help but look, glancing to the right toward the window. Not a zombie. She knew who was there as she lay nude in what she thought was the privacy of her own room. The curtain, the panels separated only slightly. Maybe an inch gap, half inch maybe, she guestimated. It had to be Vik. Had he watched her the whole time? Julia felt the slut inside her come to life.
Julia, no.
Julia, yes.
Julia, no, get up and close the curtain. Cover yourself.
Julia, you're lonely and horny and no one would know. Not everyone needs to know everything.
Julia, get up and close the curtain.
Julia got off her bed. She went to the curtain and peeked through to the outside. It had been Vik, backing away. She opened the door. No one would have to know. No one would...he stood against the railing and he stared at her scared to death. He'd been caught. And now the American stood in front of him nude in her doorway.
Julia, tell him to fuck off.
Julia, no one would know.
"Vik, were you watching me?"
Awkward and shy. He stuttered a yes and nodded. "I'm sorry." he said, hanging his head.
"Come inside, Vik." She said, stepping out of the doorway. "You want to come in. Do it." She said.
She waited a moment. He was as awkward as ever. She wasn't gonna beg him. Maybe she was too forward.
Vik was hesitant, but he stepped forward and walked into her room. She set him on her bed. "When a woman offers you pussy, you move." Julia said, leaning into him. She kissed his cheek.
"I-I-"
"You forget how to speak English, Vik?" She asked, licking around his neck, sucking gently by his ear.
"Nnn-No." He answered nervously as his eyes looked over her small body.
"Touch me, Vik." She said, kissing him. His hands reached to touch her breasts. He fondled like a 13 year old touching his first set of tits. Julia had a sinking feeling this wasn't going to work out well. She backed off him, then crawled onto the bed in her previous spot, wet spot and all. She started fingering herself.
"Come here. Lay next to me." She said. Vik, still in his shorts, laid beside her on his side. "You can kiss me and touch me, it's ok." She said, taking his hand and drawing it over her chest to her abdomen, to the wet space between her legs. "Rub me there." She said. Vik's hand moved over her wetness, rubbing her clit. "Put your fingers in me." She said when she was ready to come. He followed directions well, withdrawing from her pleasure, backing her off her orgasm as he finger banged her a bit. "Rub me again." She urged, legs spread wide. She came enough to soak his hand and the bed below her ass cheeks. She caught his hand as he pulled it from between her legs. "Hey, no. Do it all over again. That was good. Same way. Do it again."
The fourth time passed and she wanted a dick inside of her. Vik obviously couldn't take a hint, admitted he'd 'never'..."Save it for a good girl, Vik. It's alright." She kissed him, rolled onto her side, facing him. "Just keep doing that till you don't want to anymore, ok." Julia kept her legs spread and at least he got some hand job experience.
The next morning at work, grumpy Julia reared her ugly head. Her boss made her take a break and she went out back behind the diner after apologizing profusely, swearing it was a bad day. Mark from group followed her out there and asked if she needed to talk. "You using, Julia?"
"No. I'm not using." She spat at him.
After the shift ended, Mark approached her again. "Hey, you need someone? I'm here. Seriously. I never seen you like this."
She walked outside after talking with her boss, apologizing again. Mark followed her outside when she left, having just clocked out himself. He approached her again. "You lying to me? What's going on?" Mark stood there, arms crossed over his chest waiting for an answer. Surfer boy looked upset with his shaggy black hair, deep blue eyes penetrating hers. He stood so tall and so sure of himself and so...fucking sexy... eye candy...
"Walk with me." She said, heading out of the parking lot. "I'm not sure. So, just listen and tell me what you think. So I had my boyfriend here a couple weeks ago, right. It was like five weeks since I had fucked with him. Since I left home. So he comes here, we spend the best day ever together. Had the best sex in ages that night, like for hours, right. So this flipped the switch that he always flips up inside me, so I constantly think about it. We're sexting and texting and phone sexing and sending pics, the whole thing and it's amazing."
"Um, so what is the problem? That sounds good to me, I mean-"
"So last night he got me off and I send him pics, which is normal. So after I get off the phone, there's this guy I am friends with. He asked me out once. He was watching me do this. A little gap in the curtains like this." She explained, holding up her thumb and her index finger about an inch apart. "So the slut that I am, I get up and open the door and say, come inside."
"No fuckin' way."
"Fuckin way. My luck this kid's a 20 year old virgin. So I give him hand job 101and he gets me off like 10 times before he leaves. but he didn't want to fuck. What is up with that? I guess he wants to save that shit? Who fuckin' does that nowadays? Everyone nuts so freaking young, but not this guy. Anyway it was good and I got off, but..."
"But what? Since when are you a slut?"
"Since forever. You have no idea. I kind of gave that up with the drugs and the girls. That's the story." He walked with her quietly, stopping with her at the corner of 68th street.
"So why'd you do it?"
"Cause I wanted to and no one would know. Just me. I can't even cheat right anymore. I can pick em'." She whined. She looked at him standing there, looking so caught off guard. He hadn't expected this out of Julia. The girl that stood in front of him was a completely different girl. Like night and day. "You got nothing, huh? I figured as much." Julia shrugged, walking down the side street. "You coming or not, Mark?" She asked, turning toward him, walking backwards.
"Condoms. 7/11 is right there." He pointed.
Julia jogged toward him. "Oh, I want a slushie." She smiled.
3 hours later, Mark backed off her and told her to wait. He held his hand up at her. "Julia, stop. Gimme a minute to breathe." He warned her.
"Oh." She smiled. "Ok, no problem." She said, "Want a drink?" She asked, going to her little fridge.
"Soda, juice, something." He nodded. "You're fucking me raw." He said.
"So what's the problem? I mean-" She said, imitating him.
"I'm going in again. Just relax and wait." He told her.
"It feels like there's something I have to get outta my system." She asked, handing him some fruit punch in a cup. She took a water bottle from the table and chugged it.
"Julia, are you bipolar?"
"Yeah."
"You on meds?"
"No."
"You fucking should be. I mean this is good, that is excellent pussy. But, Julia, bipolar doesn't fix itself, girl." He told her. "You want to use too?"
"I thought about it, but I haven't." Julia answered.
"Is that next? Before you go off the deep end altogether, because I would hate to see that happen. You're an awesome kid."
"It starts with the sex. Then I usually start drinking. Then the drugs, when the alcohol doesn't fill me up."
"Have you been drinking?"
"No. I can't drink. Vodka and Julia don't mix well. It's an embarrassment. Trust me."
"The low's coming." He said, reaching out to her. He pulled her by her waist to the bedside. "I hate the low. I feel so terrible. Useless. Awful. No one understands. But the highs. This. This feels-there's no word for it."
"You understand me."
"Why you think I said something?"
"So when you were running after me weeks ago...the high..."
"I'm sorry about that. I was an asshole."
"How I feel now. And last night."
"You got meds? Where are they?" He asked. Julia opened her top dresser drawer and tossed them to the bed. He read the names on the bottles. He handed held one up. "That's all you need. It's for anxiety and depression, but it'll work. The rest-"
"Make me dry as the desert."
"Toss em. Stick with this."
"Plus the weed."
"Whatever floats your boat." He smiled. "I like you, Julia."
"Yeah, I'm a nice kid." She smiled. "How old are you anyway?"
"28."
"You don't act your age." Julia smiled. "So why are you, at 28, still running the beach with a surf board? Shouldn't you have it together by now?"
"This is together." He replied, opening the pill bottle and handing her one. She drank it down with a gulp of water. "You don't act your age either. Where'd you learn to fuck like a woman?"
"I learned to make love in a farm house in Lancaster." She answered, scooting onto the bed. "And I learned how to fuck in Philly."
"Where do I know you from, Julia? Ever since I met you, it's been in the back of my mind, that I recognize you from somewhere."
"Um, I don't know, Mark. I never met you before."
"It's Lancaster. I'll figure it out." He shrugged.
"The serial killer maybe?"
"You are one?" He laughed.
"No, I was stalked and raped by one. It was on the news. There were like news specials on him, the bodies. They dug the girls up about a year ago."
"The diary killer?"
"Uh, I hate that nickname." She said, rolling her eyes.
"You're the girl. You wouldn't give an interview, but they...your name, your picture."
"Julia Fry. That's me."
"But you changed your name."
"That's what happens when you get married. I'm Morgan now." She said.
"You're married to the boyfriend?" He asked, looking for rings on her hand.
"No. I'm married to my husband. Long story." Julia answered. "I didn't get too personal at the meetings. Not something I walk around talking about. I don't dwell on the past. I try to recover from it."
"Have you?"
"I think so. I can talk about it and admit it finally. I can sleep at night. I can go to bed with someone and not think about it. I think so. Yeah."
"I'm sorry that happened to you."
"So am I."
"Did I kill the mood?" He asked.
"I wouldn't say so." She answered, shaking her head. "Did I?"
"Nah, not at all." He answered, pulling her body to his.
Julia spent labor day weekend working the diner, working out and then working out with Mark. She sneaked into the employee bathroom with him on her break. "Got ten minutes." Julia grinned, unbuttoning his pants. He spun her around, pinning her against the sink.
"Not out of your system yet?" He asked, lifting her uniform skirt. No panties...he observed, putting the condom on. He slid inside her.
"No, not yet." Julia told him, gripping the sink, lifting herself, pushing herself up with her arms to get the right angle.
His hand wound up in her hair. "I don't want to end this, Julia." He said, pulling her head back,
She fell back against him, spun around and let him hoist her up, where he fucked her against the door.
She kissed him to keep herself quiet. "No one ever does." Julia said to him as he came. She felt warm liquid spilling down her thigh when he set her on the floor.
"No one ever does what?" He asked, peeling off the condom, which had broken.
"Wants to end this." She answered. "Your condom broke." She smiled, unrolling toilet paper from the dispenser. She rubbed the cum off her thigh.
"It broke." He nodded, flushing it.
"It's fine, Mark."
"What if my swimmers are swimming to an egg right now?"
"Uh, they aren't. I'm on birth control." She kissed his cheek and left him in the bathroom.
She'd sent Mark on his way after a Sunday afternoon romp in her room. At work on Monday, she felt herself again, the med was starting to work, building up in her blood to therapeutic levels, gradually controlling her internal struggles and anxieties. She spent Monday evening packing her things. She didn't have much more than she'd arrived with.
Julia sat in the chair outside in the courtyard and listened to the meditation on her head phones, thinking about the last few days with Mark. She didn't feel guilty or ashamed. They had a good time and no one would need to know. She relaxed herself, eyes closed and her body calm when Vik approached her. They gabbed, talked about leaving. He was heading back to college and she was going home. To do what? She wondered. She shared some 'good American weed' with her Russian friend who seemed less awkward in her presence.
She gathered up her things and gave him a hug, had planned on saying good bye and they'd chat on Facebook, but his embrace lingered on her a bit. "Vik, did you change your mind?" She asked, letting him hold her around her waist. "Would you like to come upstairs with me?"
"I would." he smiled, his arms beginning to release her.
He followed Julia up the steps to her room where she welcomed him inside and was less forward with him. "Take your time." She smiled, pulling her curtains shut.
"Julia, I-"
"Shh, I promise you, you're going to love this." She hushed him.
He pulled his shirt off, then hers. The kissing and the touching was less rushed, less forced. They lay on the bed together, she let him explore her, touching her skin and when she removed her bra, he tasted her breasts, sucked on the nipples. Hand job 101 came in handy as he got her ready, dampening his fingers, making her orgasm while she touched him and kissed him. She made him feel as comfortable as possible before she unbuttoned his pants, which he shimmied down shyly.
"When you're ready," She smiled, feeling his erection on her thigh.
"I'm ready." He said, so nervous as he trembled a bit.
"Use you hand to put it inside me. Go on." She urged softly, shifting herself on the bed so he was against her flesh. Het wetness on the tip only then he moved slightly forward. She took him in her hand and guided him inside, grinding on him. "You have to move, sweetie. Your waist." She whispered, placing her hands on his waistline. He started moving in and out of her. "Mmm, feels good." She smiled, placing her arms around his neck.
"Feels good, Julia. Feels very good." He said, getting a little rhythm going, then too fast and it was over.
He lay atop of her. "I'm sorry." He said. "It just happened."
"It's ok. Leave him in there," She suggested. Her hands moved along his body from his shoulders to his waist to his ass. She held him firmly in place with her legs spread wide. "When it's hard, start moving again. Ok." Julia kissed him, let him move his mouth over her chest again and when he grew hard inside her they rocked together, her hands holding his ass. "Concentrate, you control it, don't let it control you, ok?"
"Ok,"
"Lift up." She said, giving his chest a push so he could extend his arms. She reached her hand between her legs and manipulated herself. He watched her, kept moving and as she came he couldn't control it anymore and came again himself.
"Leave it there?" He asked half wondering, half hopeful.
"What would you like to do, Vik? There's other positions?" She asked, shifting and pulling it out for him. "I can put it in my mouth." She sensed the awkwardness again. "Or we can lay here and cuddle and we'll go from there." She suggested, softening her voice and backing off him.
Night and day, she thought. The difference between Mark and Vik. Experience made a world of difference. As the hours passed with Vik, the more comfortable he got, the more his confidence grew and he tried like hell to hold out, build some stamina.
"Julia, I said I would come for you." Tavin offered.
"I know. Why make you do a 3 hour drive?" She asked. "Only to turn around and drive back home?"
"You're not coming back are you?" He asked angrily. "That's it isn't it? You can-"He thought about arguing, then stopped. She heard him switch his tone of voice. "You can do whatever you want. I'll see you when I see you."
He didn't stay on the phone long enough to hear an answer. He'd hung up. She called him back.
"Tavin, what the fuck?" She yelled. "I'll be home before you even get off work."
"Oh, really? So you're coming home?"
"Yes, quit being a dick." She said annoyed. Fucker... "it's the crack of dawn on a Tuesday. Why are you fucking with me anyway this early in the morning."
"I just wanted to hear your bitchy voice, Julia."
"I'm not even home and we're already fighting. Geeze, I'm already packed and-why am I even explaining myself to you? What happened to that guy that didn't wanna let go of me like 2 weeks ago?" Oh, this isn't going to work out at all...Julia said to herself.
"I fuckin' hate this, Julia."
"Hate what?"
"I knew I didn't want this. I regret it. Please don't tell them, ok. I can't do this anymore."
"Tavin doesn't like responsibility so he freaks out on Julia. I am coming home. I will figure things out. What do you need?"
"Help. Some kind of help. Julia, they are driving me nuts. Jess is here 24/7. Tatia is running wild, making constant messes. Alex, I don't even know where he is half the time. And when he is here, there's 5 or 6 kids with him eating everything and leaving their trash laying around. My only hobby is jerking off in the basement."
"Babe, school starts tomorrow. All of them will get into some kind of routine and it'll get easier." She paused. "I will jerk you off in the basement this afternoon, ok? Then I will fuck you in the basement and then we will figure it all out."
"I don't need more stress."
"It'll work. It worked before." Julia reassured him.
"I gotta go to work."
"Then go to work."
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